Friday, July 25, 2008

a harsh reality

the man in the picture........ i have this feeling that i'll end up just like him in the future.......
i was requested by a friend who happens to be a blogger to publish this post as a support for our dear friend Dr. mohammad who is struggling with his parents after they found out that he's gay.
what happened to him is a harsh reminder that our people are not ready for us , our society does not tolerate homosexuality in any way or form.
i think that it will take at least two generations for things to turn around for us (60 years approximately).
do not despair , life is still good (at least they're not hunting us down and killing us like iran which is a major progress in my view)
what happened to him made me think about it all, what would happen to me if my family finds out that i'm gay?
i know for sure that my father will be very angry and will probably try to beat me up (lol) , my mother hates homosexuals as she works in some hotline social helping center where people call and ask for help if they have social , Psychological problems.
she had many phone calls that related to homosexuality and she stated many times that she saw a homosexual on the street and that she felt disgusted , that homosexuality is an obamination (she's religious yeah) , that homsexuals are insects...etc (you name it i heard it)
well , it would a great shocker if she finds out that her loving son is one of the insects , i just know what her reaction will be like as my family will most probably kick me out of the house
i hate being a lying hypocrite but i can never come out , i don't think i can live a lonely life without my family (men are just shallow and not that dependable i'm afraid!)
i'm greedy , i'll attempt to have it all ! that's my plan ! a normal heteresexual life on the outside (i'll have to get married eventually) and a secret gay life in the closet.
for i am king of the closet.

this is his post :

I need help
Since my parents knew about my homosexuality, their behavior never return to normal; they never sleep or eat well, they are not socially active as they use to be!My mother constantly cries, & I see sadness & disappointing in my father's eyesAll what I'm looking for is any parents for a homosexual son or daughter (not necessarily accepting homosexuality) able to contact with my parents to tell them that it is not the end of the world that I'm homosexual!!!& it is not their guilt that I'm gay!!!I think when parents contact with parents (with same Crisis) they will give support & understanding to each otherPlease any one could help me in finding these parents contact me on my email: gayinjordan@hotmail.comOr write a comment under this post
Note: It is better if the mother can speak Arabic

Thursday, July 24, 2008


همس ناطقا كلمات قد فاضت ولعا في لياليها

في عمق القلب ترسو فترقى في الروح معانيها

ما كان للفؤاد إلا أن ينفطر
ما كان باليد حيلة

ها قد رميت نفسي في أحضان الرجال
فهل وجدت لك مثيلا؟


تبا لحب لم يأتي
تبا لحالي المؤسي
تبا لحياة فارغة
أمشي و قلبي يهذي